What would she say if tomorrow happened as her mind has told her it should? If truth rang through how would it change today and could it leave tomorrow alone? If I were to stop everything could it ever get going again? What happens when honesty catches up with you?
To be quite honest there is a lot I don?t write here. I find myself not writing about the time when everything is going so well, which happens to be the majority of the time. Lately however I?ve been running into things from my past that has been getting to me. The past year has been a whirlwind of things from left field. From taking a job with highline sports group in Vail, CO to turning down the same job before being accepted to go to France (knowing that I was going). Next in line was my resignation from my post at Midwest Skier/Cow Tipping Productions for a different roll within the same company just before the conclusion of the school year. Going into the summer I became the Evangelism Team leader at stout and God has been showing and teaching me so much about evangelism it?s been overwhelming at times. Then there is the ministry for next summer that I?m starting up? A year ago none of this crossed my mind and now I am so much more confident and sure of what I?m doing then I?ve ever been. This raises a question though.
How much of my history do I take with me? In the sense of what I keep my identity with. I used to thrive off of throwing the identity card out there, the Paul is a Professional in the ski industry? It was such an easy way to create rapport and respect from those around me. I made a conscious decision going to France that I wouldn?t tell anyone on project, I?m not even sure if the project director knew. It was a way for me to completely release myself from identifying with skiing. The group knew that I skied a bit and was good but no one really has any idea, save Eric who I told this past Friday. Now I?m forced to make a decision, do I take with me everything that skiing was for me, or save it for something that I only ever look back on too. When I fill out papers and talk to people about myself is it something that stays behind now? It?s not that I?m ashamed of it, there are few things I?ve done that I?m more proud of.
It?s just that I?m a different person now and, I know this will sound shallow of me, I don?t need skiing to be a source of identity that it was for a number of years. When I meet up with people they still see me ask the skier kid, and part of me always will be because I love that sport, but they miss what is one hundred times more exciting, the prospect of living for Christ day in and day out. I?ll be the first to admit that somedays are better then others and some moments are a lot better then some. Though I don?t regret a moment of it, of the decisions I?ve made. I?ve never been happier in my life to do what is set out before me. I only pray that as I get older I will keep pursuing Him with my everything.
keep living His blessing,
~paul